Until the Day I Die
by icaughtfire
Summary: [Lost and Delirious] A oneshot about the 3 main characters, right before Paulie commits suicide. If you haven't seen this movie, find it somehow, it's amazing.


**A/N: Saw this movie last night. It's an amazing movie. Piper Perabo's best work. Mischa Barton also did an amazing job. I hope someone on has actually seen this movie, so they can draw something from the fic.**

_Mary_

I was Mouse all of my life. My father always called me that. All my friends. Maybe it was because I'm so little. I'm kind of short, and mousey-looking I guess. But when I came to this new school, I earned a new nickname. Mary Brave. And I liked it. It made me feel fierce. That was Paulie's affect on me from the moment I met her. She was crazy, and that's what I loved about her. Seeing her there, perched on top of the school building, I knew then she was a warrior. I'd just witnessed her stabbing Tory's boyfriend in the leg, and I went into hysterics. No one expected Paulie to take it this far. I saw the shock on Tory's face. She felt guilty. Of course, I couldn't blame her. I couldn't bear to imagine the thoughts going through her head right now.  
I couldn't be Mary Brave. Not when my best friend was about to plunge off a rooftop. She'd gone on this crazy rant about being a raptor. I didn't understand it, but yet I think I did. She wanted to be a powerful person, to be able to stand the pain of heart break and not care, the way a man can. That bird of hers. It became her obsession. It was her escape from everything hurtful. Whenever she got upset about Tory she went into the woods to visit him. I think she even named it raptor. But it was when she saw Tory and her boyfriend up against that tree that she really spun out of control. I heard the things people were saying about her. That she was crazy. I don't think that. She has the most passion of anyone I've ever met.  
As I stood there, watching my friend on the roof, I couldn't help but wonder if things were ever going to be the same again. Things with my father were bitter. I was starting to hate him more and more. I was angry with him for sending me to this school. I was angry with him for abandoning me. And I was angry with him for not showing up.  
But still, he was all I had, and I loved him with everything in me.

_Tory  
_I was terrified. Scared to death. It was my fault she was up there. I wanted more than anything to reach out to her. I wanted to jump up there with her. But I just couldn't. It would have broken my parents hearts if they knew of the things I'd done. I just stood there, looking up at the love of my life. I was breaking my own heart, as well as hers, just to spare my parents the pain. I must love them pretty damn much.  
And my sister. My sweet sister. She's so innocent...  
This felt wrong, and this felt unfair. I would never love anyone as much as I loved Paulie. She'd been my best friend, and my lover. For all I knew, she was going to jump off of that roof and kill herself. I wasn't prepared for that kind of devastation, especially if I had to hide it from someone. Knowing I caused her such pain made my heart ache.  
I saw the look in Paulie's eyes when she asked me to dance. And I saw the look in my father's. I knew this must have been terrible for her, having me ripped from her. But it wasn't easy for me either.  
I felt like Mary was my only friend. She was the only one who knew. She didn't seem to mind, either. I guess with Paulie and I, it was all natural. We never considered ourselves lesbians. We were just lovers. We were simply in love.  
Paulie and I have such passion together. That last kiss we shared..I'll remember for the rest of my life. I'll die without her, I know it. It's better that way. I felt tears sting at my eyes during this realization.

She was going to die. All because of me. She loves me so much more than I ever realized. It's too late now. Too late for both of us. Maybe if things had been different, if I weren't so afraid of my parents' reactions...I'd just let go and be happy.  
But I can't do that.  
I'd rather be miserable than have my parents hate me.  
It's that simple.  
I'm going to die if she does. My spirit will be forever crushed.

_Paulie_

I felt like laughing. I wasn't sure why. But I felt like I was on top of the world. Raptor all the way. He was on my arm, and I saw the looks on everybody's faces. I fixed my eyes upon Tory. I saw the fear in her eyes. That did it for me.  
I guess maybe I didn't understand her. Probably because I wasn't that close with my parents, yet she was willing to throw away the best love of all for them. That sounded crazy to me. I heard what people said about me. They were right. I was off my rocker. But love will do that to you. Tory is the most beautiful girl in the world to me. I can't possibly love anyone else. So why would I want to go on?  
This would be the perfect ending to it all. People would respect me more this way. Tory would miss me. She'd always remember me. And Mary B. Well, I'm not sure how she'd take it. She's become a great friend to me lately. She's a cute girl. If I wasn't totally in love with Tory, I might actually like the kid.  
But the way I thought of it, this stunt in itself would be the best gift I could give Tory. Showing her that nothing meant more to me. She truly was MY LIFE. Without her, my life is meaningless. I want her to know that. I want her to feel it deep in her bones. This bittersweet ending is like a Shakespearian sonnet.  
And I like it that way.  
We were best friends for such a long time. Our love is pure and innocent. One mistake can poison a relationship. If it hadn't been for that night, things would be perfectly fine. I thought back to the days when we used to do everything together. When I knew who I was and what I was doing. Now everything was swirling around me like a tornado. I couldn't stop now, I couldn't. I had to finish it the right way.

_Mary_  
Mary Brave. I would never use that name again. If she jumped, this whole school year would mean nothing. If by some miracle, she survived...well...I didn't figure she would if she jumped from that high up. But she was my best friend. Not to mention, I knew the toll it would take on Tory if this happened.  
I was angry at Tory. Because she was scared. She wasn't supposed to be scared. In love you're supposed to just do. You don't have to think. Family isn't as important as everyone always says. I probably think that because my mother's dead and I hate my father. Still, I couldn't see how she could let Paulie go like this.  
I saw them together. I saw the way they were. It was beautiful. I wanted something like that. I didn't like girls, but now I think I was open to new things. Like I wouldn't freak out if I fell in love with a girl or something. You don't choose who you love.  
I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't help it. This was the scariest thing I'd ever been through. I was frozen, otherwise I would have got on the roof and stopped her from jumping. I felt myself watching Tory out of the corner of my eye, to see her reactions. Shock was on her face. I knew she wouldn't save her. I knew she couldn't.  
That disappointed me.  
No one made a move to stop her. I wish someone had.

Paulie and I aren't that different.

_Paulie_

I was still standing there. It felt like hours. But it had only been a couple of minutes. I was waiting for someone to make a move, to say something. I heard Mary Brave scream my name. I just flashed her a smile, and surveyed everyone. People who laughed at me were standing there in pure horror. It was hilarious. I was part of their school, and they didn't want me to die.  
But it was really Tory I cared about. I looked at her, fear rimming my eyes for the first time. I didn't want to die. I had to. I was already dead inside.  
I wanted her to save me. I wanted her to scoop me up into her arms and kiss me, and tell me everything was okay. I wanted her to say "fuck you" to her family, and just be herself. But she couldn't, and she wouldn't. Life doesn't end happily like that. No siree. We could have been together forever. Now what can we do?  
Nothing. I can't just be her friend.  
I can't look at her in a different way.  
I still smell her sweet scent, and I still taste her lips on mine. When I look at her, I still picture her naked. Looking at her hair, I want to run my fingers through it.  
I took a step forward, and felt myself falling...

_Tory_  
She really was jumping. I saw her step forward. Several people gasped, as I clamped my mouth shut, putting my hands over it. Her body hit the pavement and I fell to the ground, shaking with sobs. Everyone was silent. Mary sat down beside of me, putting her arms around me. People thought I felt guilty. They thought I was upset because it was me who killed her. I killed her spirit, and then she killed her body.  
I was guilty. But that wasn't all. I loved her with all my might. Only Mary understood. She rocked me back and forth as I cried. I saw sympathy in her eyes. True sympathy. I didn't know what to do.  
Getting up slowly, I took a look at Paulie's lifeless body. Another sob escaped my lips. I walked towards her, bending down to look at her. She was bleeding from the head. She wasn't moving. I grabbed her wrist, trying to feel a pulse. There wasn't one. She was gone, for real. All because of me and my selfishness.  
Fresh new tears sprung out and I collapsed there beside of my forever love. We were together again.  
I knew what I would do.  
Tonight, I would join her. I would take my own life as well, and we could be together for eternity. It was only right.

Paulie, I hate you for making me feel this way.

_Mary_

I found Tory the next morning. She had slit her wrists, and blood was everywhere. There, floating in a pool of blood, was a note.  
It simply said:  
**_I love her._**

It spoke volumes. I screamed my lungs out until someone finally came into the room.

I sat on the steps of my school, head buried in my hands. I was absolutely devastated. Both of my best friends were dead. I didn't want to see him. I wanted to kick him in the teeth. All of my anger towards my friends..for leaving me in the world alone..was directed towards him. I had no one else to blame.

I was a bit happy to know they were now together. It seemed like the perfect ending.  
I swallowed roughly, taking one last look at the school.  
I'll always remember you.


End file.
